That Empty Feeling

I'm fully entrenched in your company tonight. And yet it bugs me because the doubts remain. Am I supposed to be here? Do I belong here, with you? I already know it wasn't meant to be this way...I wasn't meant to be like this. And yet strangely, worryingly, enough it does not seem to bother me.

And the back-slapping, high-fiving camaraderie continues, ignorant of my exclusion from it all. Of course it's like that. The show must go on.

*what's going on*

But for now, as always, I shall let it slide into the back of my mind. For now I decide to block it all out, lean back and finger-snap and foot-tap my way into this hollow feeling of belonging. The doubts are for another time, perhaps another day.

*they persist*

I am not quite doing myself justice, for I am not giving myself the time and involvement I need. It's all a part of the game, I tell myself. I'm not supposed to have so much time on my hands. Ever-busy, ever-ready for anything. Let me live for the world for the moment...

*sacrifice*